Wrongfully Convicted

Recently at dinner, someone said they received an email asking to list 10 people that they wouldn't feel bad if  they were wrongfully convicted and sent to jail for a year.  I love this question.  I tried to bring it up in the car with my friends and some of my first choices were offensive so I put some more thought into my roster.

1. Kim Kardashian.

I used to love her.  I am still completely amazed by her butt and how she can fit into clothes but I hate her.  She is so self loathing, complains all the time, and is dating Kanye West.  I was hungover on the couch watching KUWTK and she was wearing a wig to pretend she was other people "because she has been really stressed out lately and needed to have some fun".  Okay. You're dumb.  The world would be a better place if you were put away for a year.

2. Kanye West

Nobody hates Kanye more than my mom for taking the Moon Man away from Taylor Swift at the VMAs.  My mom said maybe 40 times in the span of ten minutes "DID HE REALLY DO THAT? DID YOU SEE THAT? WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? But I like Beyonce too..."  His new song "Mercy" is garbage and gives me a headache.  He also dates Kim Kardashian and has a nauseating fashion line.

3. Joan Rivers

Joan is mean and she shouldn't be.  My friend recently tweeted at Joan for her birthday saying she doesn't like a day over 60.  I re-tweeted the both of them and told Shannon to stop lying to Joan.  No one should be famous for being mean.

4. Miranda from Sex and the City

OMFG.  If Miranda was a real person, I would keep her in jail and throw away the key.  Why?  She sabotaged Big and Carrie's wedding the first time and thought it was appropriate to go on vacation with a full blown ginger bush.


5.  The Bouncers in the Seaport

Well not really, but I really don't like how they're on a power trip and make me wait 45 minutes to get into an empty bar. 

6.  Christina Aguilera

This woman is just such a pig.  She used to be awesome back in her Genie in a Bottle days and now she is just annoying and ghetto.  She thinks her boobs hanging out are acceptable and she didn't shake Justin Bieber's hand on the voice.

I am not sure if I can finish this list because I really am not a hateful person but I'll tell you some people I am obsessed with.

1. The nurse at my doctor's office because every time I go in thinking I am plagued, she listens to me.

2. The cast from the show Girls.  Please watch

3. Big Sexy on Twitter.  Please follow. https://twitter.com/#!/ITZZ_DAT_BITCH. You won't regret it.

4. The Barefoot Contessa on Food Network.  She is really just so divine and I love watching her cook while I run at the gym.

Summer

Today is the first day of summer!  Along with today being the longest day of the year, it is also one of the hottest I have encountered since last summer.  I stepped outside of my building toying with the idea of eating outside and decided to eat inside so I would not die of heat stroke.  Apparently my roommate Sarah almost did at the beach and is now laying on a towel in our living room because our apartment is also 5,000 degrees.  I am laughing so hard thinking of her doing this.

Do you have any goals for the summer?  I actually didn't until someone suggested five minutes ago that I should make a list.  Here are a couple of things on my roster.

1.  Become the tannest person in Boston (I have a slight advantage being half Indonesian.) 

2. Buying a t shirt from Spanky's in the Cape (We're coming for you Timmy.)

3. Find a hairstyle that is chic, cute, and invincible to humidity.  I am thinking perfecting the donut bun?  This girl is so annoying but I respect her hair skillz. 

4. Make the best playlist of the summer (Sarah this is really your job.)

5. Travel.  (I am cheating because I just booked a trip to California last week.)

6. Learn how to paddle board.  I think I would look really cool doing this.  

She is one upping me.  Yoga & Paddle Boarding.  So cool.

7. Find a cure to not barfing every time I drink.

8.  Survive the Spartan Race.  I can't even do a push up or pull up so I might be in trouble.

What's a little fire?

9. Wear really cool, neon colored nail polish because I am not sure if this will be socially acceptable ever again.

My list is to be continued.

If you are ever feeling bad about yourself, watch this.

Titanic in 3D

Most movies I am okay with just seeing once.  A movie like the Black Swan is only a thriller once because you do not know the ending.  If you watch it more than once, you're just a freak who likes to see a girl suffer through schizophrenia.  I can watch Love Actually, Dark Knight, Grandma's Boy, Dumb & Dumber on repeat, but there is not much I can watch again.  When I heard Titanic was coming out in 3D, I had to see it.  Even when a commercial came on, I got little butterflies in my stomach like I saw it for the first time in third grade.

Last night my girlfriends and I drove to the movies in pure delight to see this movie.  Fours of us were running late and two were on time, so I had Mary buy my sour watermelons in case I was going to miss the beginning (which we did but thank you anyways.)

Here is my review of the movie:  the Titanic still sinks at the end, the car sex scene is just as good, it looks like Cal has eyeliner on, and 3D made me feel like I was sea sick.  Experiencing Titanic in the movie theaters was amazing, but I am not sure if it was worth $15.  I like spending time with my friends so I guess in that sense it was worth it but we didn't even get to talk.

Exaggerating.

I love when people exaggerate.  Plain and simple.  Exaggerating is a diva way to lie. Part of the story is true, but you know what the blatant lie is, and there is a point that you are clearly trying to make.  Some of my favorites...


1. When we moved into our apartment, our neighbors told us to be aware of our neighbor next door who was 150 years old.  I still laugh when I think about her being this old.  My neighbor had to put up curtains in his room because he was seeing "too much of her" in the morning.


2. "Today I had 400 million pieces of candy." (If anyone says this but me it is definitely an exaggeration)


3. "I called you 90 times." Did you really call me 90 times?  I am sure in the midst of the first 20 calls I would have noticed unless you are my 11th grade boyfriend of three weeks CT who called me 30 times on a Saturday.


4.  "There is nothing at the mall.  I tried on everything in the mall and couldn't find anything."  You know it is impossible that they did this but you get the point across.  Did you try on EVERYTHING at Hot Topic? Eddie Bauer? Lady Grace? Big & Tall?


5.  "(Insert any day of the week) was the drunkest I have ever been."  I doubt it, but please continue on with your crazy party story.


6. "I weigh as much as a car." -Jim Bove.  No way, you weigh 130 pounds soaking wet.


7. "I could eat a horse." I guess technically you could, but would you really want to?????


8.  "I just peed my pants laughing." You have a  bladder problem and you should seek medical help immediately.

"Sometimes I feel like you have to exagerate to make a story better" -Whitney Michalek


I could go on for hours.  I think some people would be offended if you called them out on exaggerating but I thoroughly enjoy it.  Don't ever stop.

A Couple of Things You Should Know Today

1. I have been fighting the urge to eat a cupcake since 8:30 am ET.

2. I wore khakis and sneakers to work today.  I understand that no words can justify this calamity.

3. I am perplexed, intrigued, and confused by Alicia Silverstone feeding her son like a bird.  Cher would not approve.

4.  Happy Birthday to my colleague Marissa. You are perfect.  Don't ever change.  

We take birthdays seriously here.

Veggie Burgers

I love making veggie burgers.  I learned the recipe from my cousin Whitney who I think took it from her dad but I am not sure.

Whitnay and Uncle Marc

This recipe made it's way to my apartment senior year of college.  This recipe is so cheap that when I had $12 in my bank account I could still eat something nutritious. These burgers are now a household name!  My friend Nat asks me once every three months for the recipe and now I believe that I have perfected it with less calories.

Ingredients:
One can of any beans (I usually use black or kidney beans)
Any vegetables - I use red onions, garlic, peppers, KALE, and even threw a tomato in last time

1.5 cups of panko bread crumbs

1. Put vegetables in a food processor until chopped up, it will look like green mush because of the kale

2. Put black beans or any beans in food processor until mush

3. Combine beans and vegetables and mix in panko bread crumbs

4. Add salt pepper garlic

5. Put in fridge for 10 minutes to harden up

6. Bake in broiler for 15-20 mins or until not mush.

You will get about six decent sized burgers and they are 175 calories each!  I used to make them with an egg but I realized if you can put this food in a processor, it will stick on its own.

Next is a healthy version of a sweet potato fry.  This isn't rocket science.  Slice up a sweet potato thinly, put them on a pan with Pam (who the hell is Pam anyways?) or whatever, sprinkle olive oil, salt, & pepper on them.  Let them cook for 20 minutes at 400 or until crisp.  If you eat half of these fries (you should get about 20 slices depending on the size of the cut and potato) but it is only around 50 calories.  If you eat them all, you're at 100 calories.  Good job.

Below is a picture of a left over veggie burger from Sunday on my salad.  Still pretty tasty!

Yum.