Troubles in Paradise

My favorite colleague is going to Cancun Friday until Tuesday; I am going to miss her dearly.  Instead of trying to configure my body into her suitcase, I have decided that I am going to reflect on a tropical vacation I took almost two years ago.  After months of deciding where to go, my friends and I decided on Punta Cana.

Typically, spring break stories that would stick in people's minds would be crazy hook ups, blacking out, waking up sans clothes on the beach.  I have come to the conclusion that my friends and I are not "typical" so it makes sense that only bizarre things happened to us.

1. Third Degree Burns

Because I am half Pacific Islander, I think me and the sun are one.  When the sun is out, I am tan, when the sun is away, I am still tan.  I went to the Dominican with my family about four years before and left a bronzed goddess with those cool braids in my head.  This time, I wasn't so lucky.  After one full day of fun in the sun, I was the most burnt I had ever been.  Not only did our burns hurt, but we actually looked hideous.  Well, I actually looked hideous.  My forehead was so burnt that it looked like leather, actual leather! As much sunscreen that I put on after that initial burn nothing helped.  My skin all over was a brownish red, kind of like what a brick building looks like.  All week our friends were ragging on us for how disturbing we looked because of burns but I just shook off the haters.  It wasn't until we were in the airport in Miami that I had to wear a hat, hooded sweatshirt, and sunglasses indoors so people would stop looking at us.

It took about six weeks to get rid of this sunburn.  I had burns on my stomach, thighs, and back that were just as bad as my forehead.  I would wake up in the morning shedding skin.  I had to change my sheets every other day!

Check out that burn baby!

Not healthy. 

2. The Pee Pool

A couple of days in, two of our friends got sick from the food so they had to hang in the hotel room.  The rest of us decided that we needed to check out the pool that had a swim up bar.  The idea of a swim up bar is a great idea; what beats laying in the sun, getting color, but you aren't sweating, AND you can just swim and grab a drink?!  Okay - well add about 150 college kids in a pool that have been drinking all day.  This turns the pool into a pee pot.  My friends and I spent about three hours in the pool drinking, avoiding each other's pee, trying to dunk each other in the water, and pouring drinks on each other's head.  Writing that is so embarrassing but it was probably my favorite day in Punta.

A friend that we made in the pool that was not a college student.

We also witnessed a love/hate fight between two guys that were so drunk.  At one point they were punching each other in the face and the next they were hugging each other.  This went on for about 45 minutes.  Of course we had to capture the moment.

 

3. Couple's Massage

The second to last day of vacation, I booked 60 minute massages for me and Amy.  When we arrived at the spa, they served us champagne and told us to go into the room and get ready for the massage.  At first we were confused that we were in the same room but did not really think too much into it.  The massage was great!  If I ever make millions, I am hiring someone to scratch my back and give me massages 23 hours a day.  There was obviously a bit of a language barrier for me since I only know mija and caliente in Spanish.

At the end of the massage, the two masseuses tell Amy and I to take our time in the room.  It finally dawned on us that I had accidentally signed us up for a couples massage!  They probably thought we were the most idiotic couple that did not know how to apply sun screen.  We left the spa as fast as we could.

We reviewed our massage with our friends who were inquiring if they should book a massage before they left.    During the massage, I thought that the lady was massaging my buttocks for a very long time.  It turned out that Amy's masseuse massaged her boobs for a long time!  I did not get a boob massage (there is still some built up resentment about this.)  Maybe this was part of their couples' spa package.

4. Corn Pizza

My last note is that this resort served corn pizza like it was normal.  Who puts corn on pizza???  They never just served regular cheese pizza but then put corn on it!  Of course Sarah, the Pizza Queen, grew to love it :-)

   

Not only was I burnt but I was also sporting a knee brace!  Caliente!